Thanks so much Von! You actually read it?! Wow. I feel quite honored. Sorry that the present tense put you off, I know it isn't for everyone, but it's how I started out with this story, and it's how I have to finish it. It has its advantages, for me at least, though some might not agree. You're absolutely right, of course, about these being training and not fighting scenes. I do have a few actual fight scenes if you're interested. I can link them for you, so you wouldn't have to search for them, but no worries if you're busy. The POV, is also a thing I started out with. There are quite a few places that they overlap like this, and I make a point of putting in some kind of anchor somewhere so you see where exactly. It's probably a personal thing. I like how it shows the different perceptions of the same situation, but I can see how it might be a little disorienting without some grounding beforehand. Sorry, joys of jumping in, I guess. Those that have read from the start must be used to it. Thanks for your very generous compliment though. I wouldn't exactly call these great myself. They are very rushed and not as polished as I'd like, but hey, it's a work in progress, I have to give the whole thing another pass or two before it'll be ready for the big guys in publishing. (Even if that only happens in my dreams and wishes...) Thanks again Von, for taking the time--to not only read but to offer me precious feedback. I promise to seriously consider every word of it. 🤩
And by the way, if you would actually like to do some back-and-forth critiquing, I’m totally up for it. I really like to do critiquing. The only caveat would be I’m a very harsh critique. I’m not very nice.
Sheesh. You're kinda scaring me there. I think I'd love some critique, mainly because I've never had any. So I'm probably an idiot, asking someone who is admittedly unkind, for my first time. Maybe I can give you something specific as a starter, rather than let you dive right in at the start of this large project?
You can give me whatever you want. And you can pick whatever of mine that you’d like to critique in response on your own. Or I could walk you through some of the dozens of things that I have going on. For example, I have one book about dragons in World War II that we’re going to publish probably before June.
But let me be very clear on something. I did not say that I was unkind. I said I was harsh. I think the kindest thing that a critique can be is harsh. I think the most unloving people on the planet are people who say oh that was wonderful, when they clearly saw lots of things wrong with it that you could easily fix and make it better. I don’t do that.
Well, I suppose, it's not the same thing hey? My apologies for the misinterpretation, though you did explicitly use the words 'not very nice', which is where it came from. To be fair, I think sincerity is the greatest of kindnesses. So we are agreed I think. Uhm... I'm afraid if you don't give me anything specific I'll likely forget. I am somewhat scatterbrained in general. Also, I do not have much free time at the moment, but should be slowing down in the coming weeks. I'm also not at all experienced with giving critique, so I don't know what you'll consider useful, but I can give an opinion. Usually, I'd say one thing I liked, one thing I didn't, and a question that came up. If that's good enough, I'd be happy to.
Well, since what I’ve seen of your work so far tends to be fairly character heavy, why don’t you come out on the various characters. Make a list in what you think of them?
OK well to be fair the biggest reason that present tense put me off is I was once in a critique relationship with this guy, and he was not a very good writer, and he was trying to write it in present tense, and he got it wrong about half the time. And so every time I start to read present tense my brain kind of goes oh no, not this again!
It is very hard to write in and I didn’t see any particular glaring errors that you made, but I have this history. You might say I have post present tense stress disorder.
Oh, I like being fair. I get it. Bad experiences linger. PPTSd 😂. But present tense is so much fun! It is a challenge sometimes too, I'll give you that. I do try to keep it as correct as possible, though some errors must eventually creep in. As mentioned, I'll be giving this a few revisions in the near future. I'm glad to see you're still willing to give it a chance though. And thanks for lightly confirming that I'm not doing it too poorly. 🤩
Magnifique Jenny! You handle fight scenes so well, gives me a shiver 🥶. I was really afraid that Logan might really get hurt by pushing Misty too far! Especially since she has chosen to trust him fully it seems. He is the Trainer now.
And I am glad you have stuck with your custom section graphics for Misty and Logan, they fit!
Also glad you have enjoyed and survived the Christmas celebration, putting the writing aside for a time with your Family!!
Hi there friend Frank! Thanks, as always. Christmas is wonderful, and it's wonderfully short too. Writing calls loudly whenever I'm that busy, but I have become an expert at putting in earplugs, unfortunately. The fam is infinitely more important as I'm sure you understand. Anyway, I'm glad to see you got the shivers! Hahaha! But not to worry, Logan can handle himself. Misty just got a little panicky here, for no good reason really. I wish I'd taken the time to polish it up before pressing that publish button though. These scenes could have been so much better. More complete. Oh well. They'll have to do for now. I'm already working on the next part. Can't go back right now. Until next week! 🤩🤩😉
Thanks Dave! As always. I'm a little behind these days. I think my inbox is at 780 something. And not yet a record! Believe it or not. I hope the festive season has been kind to you and yours. All the best for the new year!
I love first person, but hate present tense :)
The interesting thing for me is that they weren't really 'fight' scenes. They were training and relationship scenes.
I found the back and forth between POV a bit confusing. But great scenes.
Thanks so much Von! You actually read it?! Wow. I feel quite honored. Sorry that the present tense put you off, I know it isn't for everyone, but it's how I started out with this story, and it's how I have to finish it. It has its advantages, for me at least, though some might not agree. You're absolutely right, of course, about these being training and not fighting scenes. I do have a few actual fight scenes if you're interested. I can link them for you, so you wouldn't have to search for them, but no worries if you're busy. The POV, is also a thing I started out with. There are quite a few places that they overlap like this, and I make a point of putting in some kind of anchor somewhere so you see where exactly. It's probably a personal thing. I like how it shows the different perceptions of the same situation, but I can see how it might be a little disorienting without some grounding beforehand. Sorry, joys of jumping in, I guess. Those that have read from the start must be used to it. Thanks for your very generous compliment though. I wouldn't exactly call these great myself. They are very rushed and not as polished as I'd like, but hey, it's a work in progress, I have to give the whole thing another pass or two before it'll be ready for the big guys in publishing. (Even if that only happens in my dreams and wishes...) Thanks again Von, for taking the time--to not only read but to offer me precious feedback. I promise to seriously consider every word of it. 🤩
And by the way, if you would actually like to do some back-and-forth critiquing, I’m totally up for it. I really like to do critiquing. The only caveat would be I’m a very harsh critique. I’m not very nice.
World War I
Sheesh. You're kinda scaring me there. I think I'd love some critique, mainly because I've never had any. So I'm probably an idiot, asking someone who is admittedly unkind, for my first time. Maybe I can give you something specific as a starter, rather than let you dive right in at the start of this large project?
You can give me whatever you want. And you can pick whatever of mine that you’d like to critique in response on your own. Or I could walk you through some of the dozens of things that I have going on. For example, I have one book about dragons in World War II that we’re going to publish probably before June.
But let me be very clear on something. I did not say that I was unkind. I said I was harsh. I think the kindest thing that a critique can be is harsh. I think the most unloving people on the planet are people who say oh that was wonderful, when they clearly saw lots of things wrong with it that you could easily fix and make it better. I don’t do that.
Closest I have to a short story... Kindling: The Sketch.
https://open.substack.com/pub/jennyhoman01/p/kindling-the-sketch?r=25941x&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Well, I suppose, it's not the same thing hey? My apologies for the misinterpretation, though you did explicitly use the words 'not very nice', which is where it came from. To be fair, I think sincerity is the greatest of kindnesses. So we are agreed I think. Uhm... I'm afraid if you don't give me anything specific I'll likely forget. I am somewhat scatterbrained in general. Also, I do not have much free time at the moment, but should be slowing down in the coming weeks. I'm also not at all experienced with giving critique, so I don't know what you'll consider useful, but I can give an opinion. Usually, I'd say one thing I liked, one thing I didn't, and a question that came up. If that's good enough, I'd be happy to.
Well, since what I’ve seen of your work so far tends to be fairly character heavy, why don’t you come out on the various characters. Make a list in what you think of them?
OK well to be fair the biggest reason that present tense put me off is I was once in a critique relationship with this guy, and he was not a very good writer, and he was trying to write it in present tense, and he got it wrong about half the time. And so every time I start to read present tense my brain kind of goes oh no, not this again!
It is very hard to write in and I didn’t see any particular glaring errors that you made, but I have this history. You might say I have post present tense stress disorder.
Oh, I like being fair. I get it. Bad experiences linger. PPTSd 😂. But present tense is so much fun! It is a challenge sometimes too, I'll give you that. I do try to keep it as correct as possible, though some errors must eventually creep in. As mentioned, I'll be giving this a few revisions in the near future. I'm glad to see you're still willing to give it a chance though. And thanks for lightly confirming that I'm not doing it too poorly. 🤩
Magnifique Jenny! You handle fight scenes so well, gives me a shiver 🥶. I was really afraid that Logan might really get hurt by pushing Misty too far! Especially since she has chosen to trust him fully it seems. He is the Trainer now.
And I am glad you have stuck with your custom section graphics for Misty and Logan, they fit!
Also glad you have enjoyed and survived the Christmas celebration, putting the writing aside for a time with your Family!!
Hi there friend Frank! Thanks, as always. Christmas is wonderful, and it's wonderfully short too. Writing calls loudly whenever I'm that busy, but I have become an expert at putting in earplugs, unfortunately. The fam is infinitely more important as I'm sure you understand. Anyway, I'm glad to see you got the shivers! Hahaha! But not to worry, Logan can handle himself. Misty just got a little panicky here, for no good reason really. I wish I'd taken the time to polish it up before pressing that publish button though. These scenes could have been so much better. More complete. Oh well. They'll have to do for now. I'm already working on the next part. Can't go back right now. Until next week! 🤩🤩😉
Another great release, as always, Jenny!
Thanks Dave! As always. I'm a little behind these days. I think my inbox is at 780 something. And not yet a record! Believe it or not. I hope the festive season has been kind to you and yours. All the best for the new year!