You certainly filled in a lot of gaps that I have been waiting for! Liked the way you let the snake bite be an unknown but gradually more serious impairment to Elle's ability to function and fight. Now, confession time... The way this played out in detail, had me 90% convinced that this had turned into an inadvertent or actual planned engagement with a hostile force, and not as I had previously surmised , a fully staged scenario just for Elle's benefit. Even with the previous scenes between Cathy and her father in mind. And I would still be persuaded thusly, if not for your, ahem, expansive discussion of a comment below... I have to say I am surprised, ahem, at the reveal! I was about to hit you up for a back story as to why South Africa would have become an adversary for the PG. Great scene from my perspective! PG got an eye full of Elle's capabilities!
Okay... Ahem, as well. You seriously didn't get that? I mean I was trying to be coy, because Misty has no idea at this point, but you had no idea either? I think I should have dropped a few more hints then, I suppose, maybe from Victor's perspective... Hmm... Something to think about. Good thing this is a work in progress, so I can go back and fix it, but really? No idea at all?
Sorry if the abrupt reveal spoiled it a bit, but, ahem... Moving on.
I do feel I could have shown the PG a bit more of what Elle can do, but she was wounded, and I didn't want to make it too fantastical, I mean she's a twelve-year-old girlie here, beating up soldiers. If I may offer you some context, I suppose you have no idea what a 'boerseun' means but where I am from, it's like a higher class of athlete, the kind that excels effortlessly at fetes that other athletes take years to develop, simply as a product of the lifestyle they grew up in. And pitting any kind of girl (never mind a small one) against such a one and letting her walk away unscathed is totally unrealistic, here Misty faces ten. Yes yes, it's a fantasy, and yes yes, artistic license and all that but, my husband would say, 'Come on!?'
But thanks for the kind assessment of the long scene. I'm glad you liked it. Sorry for spoiling your experience of Misty's illusions. And I can't wait to see what you think of the next one. 🧡
Jenny, I really have no idea why my processing of this scene flipped my previous analysis of what was real and what was staged. Now I still held onto the intent by Cathy and her father to put Elle into a manipulated position to gain additional clarity about her capabilities, about what she is, and about what drives her actions. But I think the way you narrated the events in this scene, it seems like a natural chain of events around escape and evasion. And, as i think thru the events, here is where I lost my critical analysis. When she found herself faced with a test of loyalty to her new 'teammates', I should have recognized that for what it was. But I didn't and I think wondering where you were going with the injury was a distraction that moved my focus. That's now my story anyway, lol!
Sorry for the book, but one other note... When I realized that the fight involved substantial and lethal injuries to the 'opposing forces', I don't think my mind could accept that these could be friendly only acting as the 'enemy' and being allowed to be sacrificed as part of a sharade.
I think I was seeing it more or less as Elle was seeing.
No. Never heard of boerseum but I get what you are saying exactly!
I think I was a bit confused by your surprise, because you seemed to see right through the deception in the first part of Mission. As you said then, there was no way that the PG would risk losing her. Of course they did their research, of course they had backup. But Misty didn't see it that way, because she wasn't supposed to because she is blinded by her friendship with Cathy. And I think it's reasonable that a preteen would be naïve enough to believe that she's left all possibility of betrayal behind with her betrayers. Okay, the medal was a little over the top, specially since this wasn't an actual combat situation, even though Joel's apparent sincerity probably helped the illusion. And I don't think I gave you enough detail in the battle to make you think Misty killed anyone, gravely injured maybe, but not killed. Joel and co. might have... Also, the PG is well known for their questionable methods, I hope it's not too big a stretch to believe that they would risk the lives of a legion of soldiers for the sake of testing Elle's loyalty. The whole idea is that they want to see if they can use her. They just didn't take into account how her past trauma would affect her performance, or maybe even that she has past trauma at all, since they don't know much about her, other than she attaches strongly to one person - in this case, Cathy.
😳🤐
See once, again, don't get me started... I am very glad that Misty's perspective is so immersive though. That is my entire intent with the narrative style.
Well, I hope you remember that Misty's perspective is limited. I'm glad that my intended dislike of the PG is coming through quite well, though hate is a bit stronger than I hoped for. I remember that you guys weren't liking Luke much either in the beginning. I think I was a bit of a hateful teen myself, maybe that's why. 🤷🏻♀️ Probably something I'll have to work on at some point.
And I wanted to point out that (I hope) everyone knows by now that the entire mission and the medal and everything is nothing but manipulation, and the PG is really lucky that Misty hasn't seen through it. The South African soldiers were probably PG as well, planted as a complication and Joel and the gang could have been willing prisoners just to tempt Misty into showing her abilities. Though they probably could have teased her out a bit more, I honestly didn't want to drag out the scene too much, it was already long, and I didn't want to break it up. Maybe in its final form I'll give you a bit more battle. 😉
Jenny, it seemed like a forever wait...
You certainly filled in a lot of gaps that I have been waiting for! Liked the way you let the snake bite be an unknown but gradually more serious impairment to Elle's ability to function and fight. Now, confession time... The way this played out in detail, had me 90% convinced that this had turned into an inadvertent or actual planned engagement with a hostile force, and not as I had previously surmised , a fully staged scenario just for Elle's benefit. Even with the previous scenes between Cathy and her father in mind. And I would still be persuaded thusly, if not for your, ahem, expansive discussion of a comment below... I have to say I am surprised, ahem, at the reveal! I was about to hit you up for a back story as to why South Africa would have become an adversary for the PG. Great scene from my perspective! PG got an eye full of Elle's capabilities!
Okay... Ahem, as well. You seriously didn't get that? I mean I was trying to be coy, because Misty has no idea at this point, but you had no idea either? I think I should have dropped a few more hints then, I suppose, maybe from Victor's perspective... Hmm... Something to think about. Good thing this is a work in progress, so I can go back and fix it, but really? No idea at all?
Sorry if the abrupt reveal spoiled it a bit, but, ahem... Moving on.
I do feel I could have shown the PG a bit more of what Elle can do, but she was wounded, and I didn't want to make it too fantastical, I mean she's a twelve-year-old girlie here, beating up soldiers. If I may offer you some context, I suppose you have no idea what a 'boerseun' means but where I am from, it's like a higher class of athlete, the kind that excels effortlessly at fetes that other athletes take years to develop, simply as a product of the lifestyle they grew up in. And pitting any kind of girl (never mind a small one) against such a one and letting her walk away unscathed is totally unrealistic, here Misty faces ten. Yes yes, it's a fantasy, and yes yes, artistic license and all that but, my husband would say, 'Come on!?'
But thanks for the kind assessment of the long scene. I'm glad you liked it. Sorry for spoiling your experience of Misty's illusions. And I can't wait to see what you think of the next one. 🧡
Jenny, I really have no idea why my processing of this scene flipped my previous analysis of what was real and what was staged. Now I still held onto the intent by Cathy and her father to put Elle into a manipulated position to gain additional clarity about her capabilities, about what she is, and about what drives her actions. But I think the way you narrated the events in this scene, it seems like a natural chain of events around escape and evasion. And, as i think thru the events, here is where I lost my critical analysis. When she found herself faced with a test of loyalty to her new 'teammates', I should have recognized that for what it was. But I didn't and I think wondering where you were going with the injury was a distraction that moved my focus. That's now my story anyway, lol!
Sorry for the book, but one other note... When I realized that the fight involved substantial and lethal injuries to the 'opposing forces', I don't think my mind could accept that these could be friendly only acting as the 'enemy' and being allowed to be sacrificed as part of a sharade.
I think I was seeing it more or less as Elle was seeing.
No. Never heard of boerseum but I get what you are saying exactly!
I think I was a bit confused by your surprise, because you seemed to see right through the deception in the first part of Mission. As you said then, there was no way that the PG would risk losing her. Of course they did their research, of course they had backup. But Misty didn't see it that way, because she wasn't supposed to because she is blinded by her friendship with Cathy. And I think it's reasonable that a preteen would be naïve enough to believe that she's left all possibility of betrayal behind with her betrayers. Okay, the medal was a little over the top, specially since this wasn't an actual combat situation, even though Joel's apparent sincerity probably helped the illusion. And I don't think I gave you enough detail in the battle to make you think Misty killed anyone, gravely injured maybe, but not killed. Joel and co. might have... Also, the PG is well known for their questionable methods, I hope it's not too big a stretch to believe that they would risk the lives of a legion of soldiers for the sake of testing Elle's loyalty. The whole idea is that they want to see if they can use her. They just didn't take into account how her past trauma would affect her performance, or maybe even that she has past trauma at all, since they don't know much about her, other than she attaches strongly to one person - in this case, Cathy.
😳🤐
See once, again, don't get me started... I am very glad that Misty's perspective is so immersive though. That is my entire intent with the narrative style.
Until Tuesday, Frank. 🥰😁
I really don't like the PG. They drop into an unknown situation, lose a group, get rescued by Elle, and then they hit Cathy.
At least you got a good idea of writing an enemy, so people hate them.
Well, I hope you remember that Misty's perspective is limited. I'm glad that my intended dislike of the PG is coming through quite well, though hate is a bit stronger than I hoped for. I remember that you guys weren't liking Luke much either in the beginning. I think I was a bit of a hateful teen myself, maybe that's why. 🤷🏻♀️ Probably something I'll have to work on at some point.
And I wanted to point out that (I hope) everyone knows by now that the entire mission and the medal and everything is nothing but manipulation, and the PG is really lucky that Misty hasn't seen through it. The South African soldiers were probably PG as well, planted as a complication and Joel and the gang could have been willing prisoners just to tempt Misty into showing her abilities. Though they probably could have teased her out a bit more, I honestly didn't want to drag out the scene too much, it was already long, and I didn't want to break it up. Maybe in its final form I'll give you a bit more battle. 😉