Hey there, Sparks. I’m a little early because tomorrow is Good Friday, and I’d rather not bother you on a holiday, and I’d also rather be early than late. Also, because this one ends the chapter, I’ll be skipping Tuesday’s post to finish outlining the next. It’s also quite a bit longer than usual, so double bonus for you. 😁 Enjoy!
By the way…
Who knows the song, by Cold? Not that it has much to do with this last scene of Chapter Seven, at long last, but I suppose you could extrapolate, and say that Cathy doesn’t realize how much their friendship means to Elle, as the villain, especially when it could backfire if Elle finds out it’s all been a lie… 😉 Just something to keep in mind.
Another side note…
I’ve been doing a bit of chatting with
this week about publishing serial fiction online, here’s a link if you’re interested and want to see what interesting points he raises, there are many.This guy has been serializing his fiction online for nine years! Wow! I hope to make it to one year at some point, but who knows from there?
I have read some of his stories from Tales from the Triverse though, and it’s seriously very good. I really liked the Fantasies series he did a little while ago. Chakraborty and Kaminsky make a good team, and you really get the sense that this is part of an ongoing narrative, that instantly draws you in and makes you want to know more, without making you feel lost, which is actually quite a feat. I wish I had the time to read it all from the start, but Simon would know as a fellow creator, that writing takes precedence, always.
I wish you all a blessed Easter and will catch you next week.
As for our story…
INDEX | Chapter 7 | Scenes 1 & 2 | Scenes 3 & 4 | Scene 5 | Scene 6 | Scene 7 | Scene 8 | Scene 9 | Scene 10 | Scenes 11 & 12 | Scene 13 | Scene 14 | Scenes 15 | Next Chapter → Coming soon.
Previously: When Minister Liebenberg asks Misty for a demonstration of her abilities, she can’t help but worry over what it will mean for her already worrisome struggle with Penance. After a disappointing display, the Minister decides to motivate Elle by threatening Cathy, and ends up getting more than she bargained for when Elle decides that she isn’t willing to play along anymore.
We run hand-in-hand, but Cathy keeps slipping as if she can’t keep up. “Wait, wait!” she calls out, but we aren’t going fast enough. I can hear the sounds of pursuit. She stumbles. Those cursed shoes! I scoop her up and throw her over my shoulder to keep going.
“No! Put me down!” I hear vaguely over the sound of my own heart beating in my ears. I ignore it. I know you’re not happy, Cathy, but we can hash it out after. We’re nearly there. I’m sure I remember the way, round that bend, a long corridor, up the stairs.
“Let me GO!” Cathy shouts, wriggling so much that I almost lose my grip. I bolster my arms with a little more energy so I won’t drop her, and speed up. We are so close to the exit.
Meters from the foot of the staircase, Cathy screams, “For goodness sake! Elle! LET GO OF ME!” With a mighty surge of physical strength, no doubt granted the Great Drake Elder Race blood, she obviously has no understanding of, she finally wriggles free.
I skid to a stop sideways on my stockings, at the same time, wishing I had the words to tell her exactly how stupid that move was, and wondering whether or not she’d forgive me if I knocked her in stead. Rounding on my only friend, my whole body conveys the outrage that threatens to light me up anew. I stamp my feet, and gesture wildly and roll my eyes, knowing she knows me well enough by now to understand.
What the hell Cathy!?
She bends over, hands on her knees, out of breath from fighting so hard for the minute it took for us to get this far. I shake my head, at her, frowning. Unbelievable!
“Don’t you- look at me- like that!” She pants.
They are coming. I glance back towards the staircase. There’s no time. We have to go.
“You stupid girl! What do you think you’re doing?” She says gasping between words.
Rescuing you. The gun…
“Are you kidding me?!” Cathy laughs looking up then sighs.
I don’t understand. What did you expect?
“You are a soldier now, with the rank to prove it. You were supposed to follow orders! Demonstrate!”
I stare at her, pleading silently for her to just get it already.
“I know you don’t want to kill anyone, but at least take out the stupid soldier who thought an energy gun would do more than tickle you. Or just stand your ground, and wait for Minister Liebenberg to get the picture!”
What? I pull at the flyaway hairs at my temples in frustration at my inability to make her see how far off she is, and wonder how could she even think murder was ever on the table?!
“I’ll admit it took me by surprise, but I knew they would do something. I wasn’t in any real danger.”
My jaw drops open, and I gape at her as her meaning sinks in. It wasn’t even real?
“The Minister thought you’d need some motivation to show your abilities. Those mooks wouldn’t have hurt me. They would have realized eventually that they couldn’t coerce you and stood down. They know what I mean to you and that if anything happens to me they lose you for good.”
You… lied?
I huff out a sigh, my frown deepening, and blink at her. I can’t believe it. She lied to me. It was all for nothing.
By the time, the pursuing soldiers round the last bend, weapons trained, I’ve already powered down. Cathy stops them, grabs the first radio she finds, and reports to her dad and the Minister, while I kneel, confused, and await my punishment.
* * *
On the way home, I’m forced to reevaluate how trusting I have become. These people lie. Apparently, everyone does. I don’t know how I can trust anyone anymore.
I feel like I did when Logan and Luke betrayed me. It’s like it was after Tom just stood aside when Logan came to lead me back to Luke’s torture chamber. Desolate.
When they lock me in my room all I can think about is that I still care about Cathy. I'm sorry because she’s probably in trouble for what I did back there. I misunderstood. I overreacted. And yet I don’t think that I’m the one who will be punished.
When I misstepped under Teag’s instruction, I paid the price in blood. Every time. He would cut me, beat me, whip me… And if I resisted he made it worse by having James make me repeat the experience all night. Even though James insisted to Teag that he was wasting his energy, that the recovery was worse than the punishment, Teag never once let me off. I learned very quickly to be perfect.
* * *
The General informs me, in the morning that I’ve lost my rank. My movement within the base will now be limited to two hours a day of isolated gym time, under guard. No more sparring or communal meals. I’ll be confined to quarters while Cathy is on forced leave for a month. She’s already left. I don’t get to say goodbye. Afterward, they will reevaluate and adjust according to my behavior.
It doesn’t matter. I’m already starting to regenerate, and the excess energy is burning me up. Soon I won’t have the mental energy to worry about anything else.
* * *
It’s a slow burn this time. I wish I had someone to hold my hand, like Logan did. I lay on my bed, sobbing all night. Oh my Manorian Deity, this hurts! Telerans have no gods. Or maybe we do, I can’t remember anymore. I wonder how much time I’ve got before I explode.
It’s the same when the sun rises as it was when it set. A slow burn. I try to move, and count it as a win when it doesn’t send icy daggers into my head. My body hurts, but I’m not immobilized. Maybe it’ll be okay.
I try some stretches and ease over into variations of the first twenty forms when the movements don’t intensify the pain.
Three hours later, I feel a little better. My arms and legs are all wobbly, and my sweat and tears have made dark splotches on the carpet, but I don’t want to curl up in a ball and die anymore. I might survive this.
* * *
There are bad days and worse days. The worst days are when the fever comes. It makes me delirious and then it’s not so easy to stay on my feet. I have to force myself to get up and keep going. It’s the only way through.
The guard brings the doctor that first morning. The brainless Lesser creature of some obscure blue-skinned long-limbed bug-eyed race, I can’t remember the name of right now, hits the same snag Luke did when he can’t find a cause to treat.
I knew this was coming. I’ve had it worse before. I tell myself over and over that I’m managing despite evidence to the contrary, during the lengthy and pointless examination that ends with being ordered to rest and having a bottle of pills with my name on it being shoved into my hands.
The pills are white oblongs, scored on one side, and a long ‘v’ word printed on the back, that my eyes won’t focus on long enough to make out. The doc said one every four hours. I start with two, two more an hour later, and another two before breakfast. They make me feel funny, but it still hurts. I leave the bottle in the cabinet, alongside my trove of treasures from Cathy.
The only way to handle it is to keep going. I flip up onto my hands with my feet against the wall. Lower, breathe in, rise, breathe out, lower, breathe in, rise, breathe out. The carpet absorbs quite a bit of liquid.
It can’t last forever. Eventually my stupid defective body will realize it’s full and stop building energy. If I can burn it off instead of letting it out, just stay within reach of that perfect level until then... If I can control the regeneration for long enough, it’ll start to slow down and eventually even out.
It seems to be working. I’m suffering, but I haven’t exploded yet.
* * *
By the time Cathy returns the pain seems to have reached its peak, as in, it hasn’t got any worse for the past few days but there’s no way for me to hide how miserable I am. I’ve managed to stay upright so far with very little sleep, handstand pushups in my cell and low-frequency energy pulses released into the ground, like I did during that week with Daniels, as a last resort. I’ve tried not to scorch the carpet.
Normally, I’d stick to bodyweight-based compound lifts, because that’s the way Teag trained me, but the horizontal bars here aren’t made for the kind of moves I’m used to. The kind of bars I’d need to manage Penance, don’t exist on this planet.
By watching the other soldiers, I’ve learned to use weights, and I find that even though they don’t burn energy as quickly as cardio, the effects seem to stack up for hours after I stop. Back squats with a loaded barbell work best, and deadlifts for the days my balance is off from the fever, which is often, but the longer I keep up a brisk pace, the longer it lasts.
Today I’m sitting on the balance beam with a large kettlebell in each hand. My aching head spins and throbs at the same time with each lateral lift, but I’ve got a steady rhythm going, and the fever seems to be subsiding at last.
“Oh, Elle. I’m so sorry.” Cathy says sadly, with outstretched arms, when she meets me in the gym upon her return. I don’t know how to react. She looks beautiful. Her hair is shorter, her skin is sort of golden.
I drop the weights, barely sparing a glance for the guard who startles with the dull thud-thud they make on the padded floor. Cathy looks almost sheepish.
I’m still not sure how I feel. I’m not even sure what she’s apologizing for. Surely I am the one who should be sorry for getting her suspended. Since the beginning of my confinement, I’ve been in full-on survival mode. I’ve not had time to think of anything else. All I want right now is for this constant ache to go away, just for a little while.
I stand and let her hug me, feeling tired and confused. The affection should make me feel comforted. Her presence should take my mind off of how much I’m hurting. It is nice to see her, but I’m so hot, the external warmth of her body is just shy of sickening. I tap Cathy’s shoulder and she releases me.
“You’re all hot and sweaty. Is this what you’ve been doing?” She draws back to look at me, gesturing towards the number five kettlebells I’d had in my hands. I nod a little. She doesn’t really understand this. She might never.
“You’ve got thin. Are you eating? No? Well, we’ll have to work on that.” She says, putting her arm around my shoulders, and I shiver despite my high temperature, looking longingly back towards the weights I’ve left beside the balance beam, while she leads me to the officer’s mess hall.
* * *
With Cathy’s return, my gym access is reinstated, and today has been the first good day since the morning after the demonstration.
I shower off the sweat, and eat an orange and climb into bed, feeling like a person rather than a walking ember. My body still hurts but the fever is down and I can think halfway straight.
And once I start thinking, I can’t seem to stop. I haven’t had time to consider how that night went at all. I haven’t processed the fact that Cathy lied to me, or thought of how much she’s been lying since I met her. What if she’s still lying? Who else has been lying? What if it’s all been a lie?
The more I think about it, the more I realize that I don’t feel safe and cared for anymore. I feel hurt, and more than a little angry. I don’t sleep much.
In the morning I seek out relief from the night’s tossing and turning. I’m grumpy, and not in the mood for company, but I’m already starting to feel hot, despite the late autumn chill that’s settled in for the last week.
There’s a new guy waiting for me in the ring. I take a moment to think before accepting the challenge. Moving at all is hard right now. Moving quickly and with grace, well… Maybe a good beating will snap me out of it. It’ll burn more energy than thes weights do, that’s for sure.
He’s not especially tall, some mix of Elder at least, really well built, with glistening caramel skin and super-defined muscles. Even though it’s been a while, the other occupants, chuckle under their breath when he calls me over.
“Hey, Elle! I’m Private First Class Aotea.” He introduces himself cordially while I walk over from the door.
“I’ve heard a lot about you. Care to show me some moves?” He has a stupid grin on his face and teeth that are so perfectly white and square they look like ceramic blocks. I can barely see past them to his upturned nose and wide-set golden-brown eyes.
I breathe deeply, trying to stretch out the stiffness while clambering up into the ring. The other soldiers stand and watch eagerly. I’ve always tried to be kind, take care not to do harm when I win, but I always win. I wonder what they must be thinking as they whisper. Each of them must harbor some resentment towards me. Eventually, everyone gets tired of losing to someone half their size. Okay, let’s do this.
I exhale, feeling the concentrated power coiling in my gut like a clawed serpent, a trapped wyrm trying to get out, waiting to grow with its first breath. At least there’s no fever, I can’t use any raw energy this time.
A little focus helps me to push aside the gnawing in my insides. Second form is my go to. He slides into something like third, knees bent, and guard up, turned one-eighth to his left, right fist ready to pop out at any second. I’ll have to avoid that one.
I stare him down, taking his measure, stepping right. His defense looks almost perfect for keeping me at a distance. Light-footed. I reverse my tread and step in close to push him into a corner, but his fast feet dance past me, turning us out.
I go in hard with a cross jab, thinking the unexpected direction might unbalance him. As he steps back just out of reach, I notice how hot my hands are. Keeping energy out of my movements is difficult. I try not to stop suppressing the burning inside of me, while he blocks my straight kick, but his eyes widen when my little foot pushes him back anyway. Sorry. I take a deep breath and dial it back a bit more. He cocks his head, going on the offensive.
I shuffle quickly away, making him extend his shots to the limit of his reach, which frustrates him. Mistake. I am already splitting my concentration between his fast feet and controlling my energy. A moment’s distraction is my undoing. I sense Cathy coming, and turn my head a fraction. Aotea’s right fist comes at me out of nowhere. I see it coming and do nothing.
It connects straight on, with the unsupported joint where my lower jaw joins into my skull. Temporomandibular, by James’ anatomy lessons. A solid hit, with the full force of a ninety-kilo body that has just decided to stop playing, behind it. The bone creaks, and snaps.
My head doesn’t work right after that. My feet feel like they weigh as much as my favorite dumbells. My fists feel like balls of feathers instead of rocks. I don’t know where the second hit comes from, or if there even is one. My heart is beating. Everything goes black.
* * *
What happened?
Cathy is here.
“Well, that was a first.” She says, half mockingly, looking into my eyes with my head in her lap and waves the worried doctor away.
“Just what is going on with you my dear?” Cathy asks, concern burning in her eyes. I shrug and try to smile a little. There’s swelling, and a worrisome grinding and popping sensation. Broken pieces. Good thing I don’t use the joint much anyway.
I stagger to my feet. Bone pain doesn’t compare to the feeling of corrosive energy, so I concentrate just enough raw power in the muscles to support any loose fragments without pulling them out of place and get back to work.
* * *
This morning I finally have time to breathe and think about the demonstration and Cathy’s part in it. The more I think about what happened with the Minister, the worse it makes me feel. Cathy lied to me. She manipulated me, for the sake of showing some strangers my power, as if I were a possession to show off, not a person with needs and feelings.
I probably should have been listening to what they were talking about at the dinner and paid more attention to my surroundings while we were inside the bunker. Then I wouldn’t have been caught off guard. I might have been better able to understand their reasoning and feel less betrayed now, but I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts.
How many such conversations went over my head like that here? Or even at Luke’s manor where I didn’t realize what was going on? Maybe if I had been more mindful back then, I could have avoided the whole head-hacking experience altogether. Logan tried time and again to get me to communicate electronically. If I had been less self-absorbed I might not have driven them to such extremes.
Life here with Cathy has become increasingly difficult. I’m not sure what exactly has changed, maybe it’s just a change in me, but I’m not happy anymore, not oblivious anymore. I am questioning everything. Every interaction is tainted with a newfound cynicism. Even Cathy’s gifts seem to have lost their luster.
I look at the cabinets, remembering each little treasure she brought me, to brighten my day, to give me a taste of the outdoors, to make me feel less alone, and all I see are manipulations. Gifts as currency to buy my affection and loyalty, so I wouldn’t see through all the tests they put me through.
The gym access so they could assess my physical strength. The soldiers they pitted against me in the ring so they could learn my fighting style. All those long afternoon readings with Cathy to see how much I knew of military tactics and strategy. The training missions where my team kept getting inexplicably captured, so they could see how I would react in a combat situation. How far I would go to save those I cared about, and how far they could push me. It has all been leading up to this demonstration for the Authority Minister Leibenberg. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. Angry with myself for not seeing through it, and also for not knowing what to do now, then I get angry with Cathy and the entire Planetary Guard.
Some days are alright, I can keep my anger in check, but on the bad days, when Penance is at its worst, I let my anger out, just a little, and my sparring partners are scarcer now.
* * *
The next time I see Aotea he’s doing lateral lifts on the balance beam with my favorite dumbells. My face has gone from swollen and purple to tender and yellow, and the bones aren’t moving every time I try to chew anymore. It’ll soon be back to normal.
Aotea winks at me between reps, his tattooed torso bulging with muscle, while sweat drips down his back. His casual grin and smothered snicker irritate me. I lost focus and you took the fair advantage, I’ll give you that, but you don’t need to rub it in.
I hop up over the ropes into the ring, all fired up with the thinking I’ve been doing. Fury serves as an effective distractor from the sensation I no longer care to name. We have a larger audience this time than we did last. People were curious when they heard and the gym has been busier than ever.
Aotea drops the weights and saunters over, exuding confidence and I smirk, raising an eyebrow.
“You sure girlie?” He snarks at me from ringside and I give him a little growl, forgetting that anger has no place in a sparring situation. He arrogantly turns his back on me to address our audience, and fury takes over. Just a little energy. A whisper. A smidge. It’s already been six weeks, what’s a few more days before the regen is finally under control?
I make sure to move slow enough that Aotea will know what hit him. He comes in with a predictable ranged attack, front kicks and long angled jabs. I roll out of the way until he gets frustrated and goes for the clinch to do some damage.
I use my fists for kidney shots that carry through to his spine, and when he can’t take it anymore, he gives me his knee. It only takes a heartbeat.
I slap his patella sharply downward with a flat open hand. Thanks to James’ anatomy lessons, I can visualize the effect.
His patellar tendon detaches from his quad while the quadriceps tendon stretches and snaps off of his kneecap. Fragments of cartilage explode into the joint tangling up his ACL. And then he screams.
I’m confined to quarters for a week, but at least I’m awake. I haven’t taken a life since Teag. I’ve hurt people, but I haven’t let them turn me into a monster.
Next Time: End of Chapter. No spoilers.
Thanks so much for reading! If you like, please:
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and as always, I love hearing what you think so, feel free to:
First of all cold has been added to the playlist and I hope your holiday is a good one :) secondly, I love the epiphanies Misty is finally starting to work through -I can relate to her more now. Excellent entry!
😳🤯🤯🤯🤐🤐🤐💐🏆🏆🏆🥇🥇🥇🎭🎭🎭👑👑👑 🤐🤐🤐 Flummoxed! Loved it!